Vigilant role of the Head of a family is Essential in maintaining a Peaceful and Stable Home Environment
• Last Updated on November 14, 2024 @ 2:56 am by Islaminlife Admin
The role of the Head of a family is very important to keep the family life peaceful and stable.
On one hand, for a family head who is alert, a family is saved from several sufferings. On the other hand, if any adverse situation takes place in a family, its conscious head of a family looks for the root cause and from where has the issue originated from. A pious, prudent leader faces situations with patience, MashaAllah.
If such happens that when a problem arises, the head of the household immediately blames a family member directly?! Then what naturally happens – the relation between family members becomes bitter. In most cases, arguments and even clashes start up.
We are definitely peace loving. So, shall we seek a solution to peace by simply ruling or blaming? Because of doing so, most of the time, the head of a family cannot fairly judge. Whenever the head makes an immediate judgement against someone in the family, the individual morally breaks down. The respected member of the family, be it a wife, or a child – she becomes grief stricken. She feels deprived.
I am a master of the family. I am making the great Dua as taught by Allah Almighty:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Meaning: O our Lord, give us coolness of eyes on behalf of our wives and our children and make us an example for the righteous. [Surah Furqan 25:74]
Think! But if my wife and children are oppressed through me, how unfortunate is it!
There is the right to rule, the guilt can be blamed, if someone has done wrong, it might be even necessary to settle through a punishment against the wrongdoer, and as the head of the family I need to take the right steps. However, my approach should be such that it will have a positive impact in the long term in terms of discipline, caution, and correction. That’s how to take action!
If I don’t even have the knowledge how to govern and take measures against someone’s wrongdoing in the family or how to resolve a family conflict, I will naturally make mistakes in the very first place. In most family affairs of our society, though I’m the head of a family – I find myself rather in a dilemma – what to do when(?!).
Each family member has a status, position, and personality. Accordingly, everyone has their own rights. As the head of the family, one needs to know and remember this, so one needs to value it. If it ever happens that, in settling a dispute, the right of one seems to me to be greater, and because of that, I excessively reprimand the other – there is a danger that I oppress a member by underestimating him/her! If protecting the rights of one person means violating the rights of another, it is clearly an unjust act. Or understand it like this:
While making someone happy, I am hurting someone else. Be it the children’s rights or the wife’s, and be it in case of anyone, the head of the family should aim a balanced solution. Disciplining someone who is guilty or a wrongdoer doesn’t require humiliating him, but it requires correcting him/her in the best way.
If the correction is in such a way that I become excessively angry, or behave unfairly against the individual, or s/he feels insulted by my behavior, I have to understand that it will not rectify the family member in the long run. Let us not forget this. Each way of work and approach has multiple methods; I have to think and choose the best way possible!
In several cases it is found, wives are just directly commanded by their husbands to serve their mothers (the mother-in-laws). In most cases, the wives do not like it or they don’t take it positively. A husband does it sincerely and as a part to carry on responsibility towards his parents. The approach or style through which a husband orders his wife to take care of his mother/parents is often not a fair or wise way; this is the reason for which the wife cannot accept the order and this results in a gap between the husband and wife. Whereas, is it something negative to please the mother?!
Undoubtedly not. But if I am not careful about when and in what manner should I attain the pleasure of my mother. I am directly commanding my wife to take care of my mother in a way that doesn’t always suit. Rather, I am just initiating an opportunity through which my wife and my mother are becoming opponents!
The invisible conflict between my mother and wife is often due to other reasons; by some erratic behavior. I just fueled up their negative relationship! Alas, I wasn’t up to doing something bad, but the way I chose led to negative consequences. In fact, doing all good things is always not good! In this context, by not understanding when, what, how I should do to please my mother, I myself am creating a distance between wife and mother. Maybe, earlier there was some internal distances between them. Now, due to some of my imprudent actions, it is taking the form of external distance!
Any intelligent person does not allow/make an opportunity that his mother and wife stand against each other! The wife and mother-in-law are already in an opposite stance in several situations! Why again, I as a husband, should do anything that would disrupt their relation towards more bitter?
Many command the wife at such a moment that love and attraction between husband and wife diminishes. Note that conveying something good is not enough; the approach and way to convey is very important too. The method of command or advice must also be correct. Then you will see how much good actions could be possible to accomplish, inshaAllah!
For the case in hand, an example is: One may ask his wife once out of ten times, what her mother-in-law needs/wants; let the husband himself ask his mother the other nine out of ten times the same! You will notice, sooner or later, that the wife will consider your mother’s needs and wants, just for your benefit and convenience inshaAllah! But ordering her the same will only increase bitterness between relationships.
Is there any doubt about the love, respect and rights of the child towards his/her mother?! There is absolutely no doubt at all. A mother’s debt is never repayable. It is undeniable! Besides, a married man should also know and accept that his wife has her rights from her husband. A wife deserves the love of her own husband. Allah Almighty has also given respect to the wife, which her husband should ensure for her.
There is no conflict among the love, respect, and rights of each other. Comparing them is unfair. Rather, everyone should be given the right one deserves. At least there should be an effort to give fairly. Just as one cannot undermine the rights, love and honor of another, the husband strives to maintain a balance between preserving the rights of his mother and wife so that one may not be oppressed because of the other.
This is difficult for a few reasons. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Allah Almighty has not imposed anything impossible for His servant. And He did not command us to do anything very difficult. We have made it difficult or we find it difficult because of our own prevailing social norms, mentality, etc.!
Following the Shariah (principles from Allah), how many problems of daily life we solve by applying conscience and intelligence?! How many types of problems do we, the men solve in the office, on the street, in various walks of our life on a regular basis?!
But in family life, most men or heads of the families prefer to adopt triggering instant behaviors, rules, and methods! As a result, often issues get worse. Many embarrassing, even unpleasant incidents happen because the heads of our families govern and act up erratically. One of the underlying reasons for such behavior of the heads of the families is “social pressure”, which is really sad.
The pious scholars say, it is not sufficient to get married in the Sunnah way. It is more important to apply Sunnah in family life all through! It is very important to act cautiously in different family situations and adopt the Sunnah approach to problem solving.
The peace and harmony of an entire family depends on the prudence of a head of the family. Allah Almighty has appointed the husband the leader or the Imam of the family (note the commentary on the supplication of verse 74 of Sura Furqan)! Now if the Imam or leader himself can be a good example, will there be peace in the world or not?! InshaAllah of course.
